I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
