Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
