you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
