So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
