i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
