When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
