I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
