suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
