So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
