Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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