Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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