Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
