Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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