Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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