he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
