Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
