I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
