The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
