I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
