I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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