we're chasing vodka with high fives
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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