At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As shirtless as possible
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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