I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How does one acquire holy water?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
