she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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