Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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