I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
