Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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