Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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