I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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