I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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