I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
