u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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