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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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