you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize