Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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