you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize