That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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