Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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