I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
