when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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