Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
