he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
