Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I looked at my own cervix.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
