Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
