your room smells of hookers.
And success
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
