it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
