In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
