I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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