The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
