I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
