I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
