Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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