Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
