i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
false alarm, still single
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
