We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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