It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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