I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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