Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize