I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
