I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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