So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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