We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
