i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
