yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
