did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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