just tell him i said nine months
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
