Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
