There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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