I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
