meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
