If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
