Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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