2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
