Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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